The Society for the Prevention of Plate Tectonics

A.k.a. SoPrePlaTec, and pronounced "soapy platex", is dedicated to the prevention of plate movements on planets. We attempt to use technology or any other useful means to prevent continental drift and the associated disastrous earthquakes and volcanoes.

Our fearless and dedicated troops will travel anywhere to accomplish the goal of a stable planet where any movement of the earth is strictly caused by your own excesses. Below are extracts from the Society logbook, charting our member activities.

• April 18, 1998 -- Making precise measurements, taking over government equipment.
• April 25, 1998 -- We experience a small earthquake.
• May 1, 1998 -- Measuring gravitation disturbances, installing plate screws.
• May 16, 1998 -- Examining how animals detect earthquakes.
• May 23, 1998 -- Creating lava diversion ditches.
• June 21, 1998 -- Creating sensors for the field.
• February 13, 1998 -- Preparing the training camp, inspecting mud flows.
• March 6, 1999 -- Rare geological feature - the confluence of three plates.
• June 30, 1999 -- Studying the possibility of meteor impact causes of earthquakes.
• March 18, 2000 -- One of our funded projects, involving reduction in fault stress through gaseous pressure release.
• May 30, 2000 -- Our other currently funded project, involving reduction of fault stress through vibratory release of shear stress in the fracture zone.

We also have begun getting reports from some of our affiliates Societies. Here are two that have been recently declassified:

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From "Mike B", sometime in 2000.

Years ago, as a petroleum geologist responsible for drilling a record number of dry holes in the search for oil and gas, I was inducted into an elite society. The "Society for the Prevention of Continental Drift" awarded me a medal for drilling a large number of holes deep into the earth and filling them with cement, thus, we hoped, helping to pin down the continent of North America and keep it from drifting too far from England.

I like to feel I have been at least partly responsible for the small number of earthquakes experienced in the mid-continent area, and for the security we have all felt knowing that that part of the world is more tightly nailed down. It was a pleasure to see that we have a sister organization, although I'm not sure from your web site exactly to what extremes you have gone to keep California from becoming a suburb of Anchorage. If you need any help, please let me know. I have continued my journey from my original home in Western Canada; filling boreholes to deeper depths, with better technology cement across Wyoming and now Texas. Soon, I am to be relocated to West Africa, where I'm told, there are far too many places where plates are still allowed to wander at will.

Also, I must ask you to keep any knowledge of SPCD confidential. The world at large believes that oil companies are searching for gasoline for their Suburbans and Kawasakis, and for CO2 to keep the atmosphere warm. We use that as a cover, to prevent the widespread panic that would ensue if it were commonly known that their very foundations were not foundations at all, merely thin pieces of onionskin adrift on pools of molten lava.

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And a portion of another declassified document from "Mike B."

...I regret to inform you however, my last effort at helping to prevent the slide of most of south Texas into the Gulf of Mexico was a dismal failure. We drilled to 12000 feet, spent over $1 million, and were unable to fill the hole with cement due to a conflict with my engineering partner.

Because we discovered a natural gas reservoir and he thinks (erroneously as you know, but he's not "one of us") that we are here to find that stuff and put it into people's homes for heat and cooking, he forced me to agree to just put a string of steel pipe down there and produce the well. Steel pipe is only a temporary solution, and will bend as the plates try to move. In fact, we even weaken if further by blasting holes in it to produce the gas! The hole is still open, so if we're not careful, Goliad county, south of San Antonio, could move another few inches toward the Gulf without me being able to do a thing about it.

There is still hope. I'm going to drill another well a half mile away, and go even deeper. Those 'shooting ducks in a barrel' wells are always successful at finding no gas, so I'm confident I'll be able to report another PPP (Plate Pinning Point) before the end of the year.

The Gulf Coast, as you may be aware, is a tremendous challenge for us SPCD members. It is a very active faulting area, with continued motion of sliding, slumping and rotating blocks, all trying to dump most of Texas and Louisiana into the Cayman Trench. Now, many people would not consider that to be a particularly disturbing problem, but as you also know, these geological processes take a long time. The residents of these two states would have ample warning time to move to higher ground, and we have received indications from Colorado, Oklahoma and even Arkansas that they would not be welcome there.

I'll keep you posted of further developments.